We’re in Hanoi, Vietnam, taking a walking tour focused on this city’s famous street food. The tour takes place in Hanoi’s Old Quarter — an enchanting maze of ancient streets, big trees, and a million sights and smells. Hanoi is as well-known for its traffic as it is for its amazing food. And since this is a walking tour, we needed to know how to cross Hanoi streets and live to tell about it.
At the beginning of the tour, our tour guide, Lemon, gave us a quick street-crossing course. Fortunately for us, most of the streets in the Old Quarter are fairly narrow and not crazy with traffic. Without knowing anything, we could probably time it right, make a mad dash, and not be hit by more than a motorbike or two.
The Rules, a.k.a. The Lemon Laws
Now, though, we had come to the first major intersection that we had to traverse. (They do have traffic lights and crosswalks here, but not a lot of them). Our street-crossing skill would be put to the test. OK. Let’s review what Lemon told us in her 5-minute street-crossing class…
Stay close together.
When we’re close together and ready to go, we’ll give each other the signal and then go.
Move at a slow, steady pace.
Don’t stop.
Don’t panic.
Extend your arm out at a 30-degree angle, palm down, in the direction that you’re heading.
Be calm and don’t panic.
Make eye contact with the motorbike rider closest to you.
Whatever you do, don’t stop.
Avoid going when too many cars are present. (Too many motorbikes isn’t an issue. There will always be too many motorbikes).
We were standing on the sidewalk at the edge of a really large intersection. More than two streets came together here. Motorbikes (and the occasional car or small truck) were moving around in several directions. They weren’t going particularly fast, but there were a lot of ‘em.
I’m usually not the most practical guy, but these “practical” thoughts were now coming into my head… Did we sign some kind of liability waiver? We must have! Did I give someone my Emergency Contact Info? Who even knows where we are right now? Too late for practical stuff like that now. It was time to make our move.
(Now would be a good time to cue up “Stayin’ Alive,” by the Bee Gees, to play in the background for dramatic effect. Just a suggestion).
It’s “Go” Time
We grouped ourselves tightly behind our fearless leader, (that would be Lemon), and when ready, gave the signal. Then, like Moses leading the Israelites across the Red Sea, Lemon lead us into the throbbing mass of motorbikes. Too bad no one was going to be parting this sea of motorbikes for us.
We were pretty far out into the swarm of motorbikes before my nerves calmed down enough for me to appreciate the experience. I admit it – I was pretty nervous. I mean, at home, it’s only the occasional drug-crazed stoner who tries this kind of stunt. He’s usually naked at the time. Great stuff for the six o’clock news.
We must have looked like little baby ducks out there, following their mama across the barnyard. But it was working! So far, every one of those motorbike riders had managed to go around us.
I Can See it in Your Eyes
As instructed by Lemon, I tried to make eye-contact with the rider closest to me. When I did make eye-contact, there was a brief moment where, somehow, you each figure out which way the other one is going to go, so you miss each other.
It’s a funny thing about how much we can communicate using only our eyes. In just a brief moment, I could get a sense of what some of the riders were thinking. Some of them were indifferent, as if to say, “nothing unusual going on here. I just need to get to work.”
Other riders’ eyes had more to say. Some seemed to be saying, “You look like a smart enough guy. What are you doing here in the middle of this busy intersection?” Some smiled with their eyes and seemed to say, “I hope you make it.”
As you may have guessed, we did make it through that rather large intersection without incident. After we were on the other side, standing safely on a patch of good old sidewalk, we looked back across the swarm of motorbikes from whence we came.
“We just walked through that? Yikes!”
I suspect that no one was more relieved than Lemon.
To be continued…
